got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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