did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
