I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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