Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
