Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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