I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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