in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
