My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
