We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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