Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
