why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
