I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
