Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
