Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
