Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
