I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
