Im at strip club and am horny
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
