By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
