32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
