Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
