My underwear smells like fireworks.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
