it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
