half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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