when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
