I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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