grandma shit on top of the toilet
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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