If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
