Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
