Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My feet surprised me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
