I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
