life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
