I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
