I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I faked an abortion last night.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
