Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
