Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
