escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
