And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
