Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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