Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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