Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
