I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
