The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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