You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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