dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Small penises have feelings too.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
