Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
