I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
