in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
