On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
