i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
