she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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