Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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