I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
