My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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